Talking to Your Partner About Sex

Jan 1, 2014

talking with your partnerFor many, one of the most challenging things to address in any intimate relationship is sex. Why? It may be personal. Perhaps we were raised to consider sex an off-limits, taboo topic. Or it might be uncomfortable to discuss sex with our partner. It may imply “a problem,” one or both partners would rather ignore. This discussion may also attract unwanted attention to additional issues within a relationship- individual sexual histories, a lack of intimacy or even a lack of trust.

To feel comfortable talking to our partners about sex, we need to first feel comfortable ourselves with sex and its role in our life. In a healthy relationship, sex is a pleasurable way to connect with our partners. It allows us a non-verbal way to communicate. Sex can spice things up or bring us much needed comfort. Let’s face it, for many of us, a healthy sex life is critical to a healthy relationship.

A healthy sexual relationship requires two healthy partners. Each of us needs to be responsible for our own physical and mental health. When we each contribute and benefit sexually, our relationship is enhanced. So, naturally, when we face an obstacle, such as sexual dysfunction, we experience stress and unhappiness in our relationship.

Sometimes the biggest challenge is just to say something! It will take some courage, but once we bring up this tough topic, we are on our way! If we come from a place of love and genuine concern, our thoughts will be better received by our partners. Asking your partner if he is satisfied with your sex life is a direct way of introducing the topic. Your partner may admit that he share’s your concern. Otherwise, sharing with your partner your vision of a healthy sex life may also be helpful. If you feel too uncomfortable to talk about the issue initially, write your partner a letter. Sharing your concerns on paper may be a helpful way to spark a meaningful discussion.

Once the topic is introduced, we must be prepared for our partner’s response. We may not receive the initial response we desire. Here, patience may serve us well. If we table the discussion and allow our spouse time to consider our concerns, he may become more comfortable and address the issue. If not, we can revisit the issue at a later time, again expressing our concern for our partner and the health of our relationship.

If your partner is amenable to addressing the issue of sexual dysfunction, offer your assistance. Help him find an appropriate physician for further evaluation. Be open to lifestyle changes that may be recommended to improve your partner’s health and indirectly your sex life. Always be careful to treat this issue with respect. Avoid making fun of your partner or his condition. When things take a turn for the better, thank your partner for addressing this important issue.

Remember, open, honest and respectful communication is key to achieving a super sex life.